Hey Baby Love Me Screw Do Me Lyrics

Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.

Zero good tin can come up of this. Photo past Achim Voss/Flickr.

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Throughout human history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all considering of a few elementary chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other hand, that time yous told that girl you only started seeing that you would "take hold of a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she all of a sudden decided to "lose your number" and motility back to Milwaukee to "effigy some stuff out."

"It's just, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And aye, my mom." Photo via iStock.

That fourth dimension you lot held that smash box over your head outside your ex's house? You did that because of a dearest song. And 50 hours of community service later, yous're notwithstanding not back together.

Love songs are great. They make our hearts shell faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give united states of america terrible, terrible ideas about how bodily, existent-life human relationships should work.

They're astonishing. So astonishing. And as well terrible.

Hither are half dozen dearest songs that sound romantic simply aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic just totally is:

1. "God Only Knows," by The Embankment Boys

Y'all tin go along your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Go Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."

When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and informal melody. A necktie-dye swirl of sound. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

Hither's why it sounds romantic:

I may not ever love you lot

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll brand you lot so sure near it

God only knows what I'd be without yous

If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your honey and non playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and kickoff over.

If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, yous demand to rethink the choices that got you to this point.

If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong.

Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

It's a song that simply feels like dear. Pure honey. Immature love. Love with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.

What could be wrong with that?

Hither's why it's really really, really unromantic:

There's nothing incorrect with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair equally they fall asleep while y'all whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his business firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo past hatchettebookgroup.biz.

But in that location is such a thing as loving someone a skosh likewise much.

If you should e'er leave me

Though life would still keep believe me

The earth could show nothing to me

Then what good would living do me?

Wait, I go it. Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. Simply practiced God.

There's a huge divergence between saying: "Hey babe, you lot are my showtime and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you become." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, then I'm merely gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."

But that'southward pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd be without you

...horror-movie creepy. Considering the reply, obviously, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a good run. Photograph via iStock.

That's non love. That'due south codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology's a grade of emotional abuse.

Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in whatever relationship — one that, by definition, might one day stop — is putting a lot of eggs in ane handbasket. Sure, God may only know what you'd exist without her, but God probably besides hopes yous have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga grade. Google some woodworking videos. Effort kite surfing.

"Yes! Hell yeah! What was her proper noun over again?" Photo past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.

I person cannot be anyone's be-all and end-all. It'southward as well stressful. And information technology prevents you from doing yous, which is a thing that's gotta exist washed before you lot can do anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars

Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song yous've ever heard. Merely, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts become, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Look at that face. That face! Photograph past Brothers Le/Flickr.

Here'southward why the song sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what you lot are

Love, y'all're my gilt star

You know you lot tin make my wish come true

If you let me treasure you

If you let me treasure yous

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an 8th-grade make-out political party and y'all'll likely become an instant toll pass on the highway to natural language-town (ew).

Laissez passer them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-nevertheless-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a finish sign, and they will recall you're weird — but probably still make out with you.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.

This is what happens when y'all write "Treasure" and you're on phase with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'm OK with that.

Simply, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:

Everything near "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes nearly gender.

"Children, have I ever told yous what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photo past Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things start to go south right from the very beginning:

Give me your, requite me your, give me your attention, baby

I gotta tell you a petty something about yourself

Ah yes. Nix screams "respect" quite like a homo lecturing a foreign woman on the street almost something she "doesn't know about herself."

What could information technology exist? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she'south got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume about early modern German language history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Cheers for teaching me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photograph by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alarm: It's none of those.

Yous're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady

But you walk around here like you wanna be someone else

Oh. Information technology's that she'southward sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.

Word of communication? Regardless of how she'south walking, the lady knows she'southward sexy. Even if she doesn't, it actually doesn't touch on her day-to-day and so much that you, a complete stranger, need to shout it at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).

And so what if she does want to be someone else? I'd dear to exist someone else! I think being Ryan Gosling would exist quite prissy. A expert mode to spend a iii-twenty-four hour period weekend.

Sure, there'd be an adjustment catamenia... Photo by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.

And then later, of class, the narrator can't assist himself:

Pretty daughter, pretty girl, pretty daughter, you should be smiling

A daughter like you should never look then blue.

He respects her so much, he's actually direct-up telling her to grin! Much like Mars' graphic symbol "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "striking [their] hallelujah." Which, y'all know, I guess everybody's got a thing.

Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sexual practice."

He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover similar the world's creepiest pirate:

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

Y'all are my treasure, yeah, yous, yous, you, you are

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you lot, y'all, you lot are

By this indicate, in his heed, she's a literal matter. An object. Which is plumbing equipment.

I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she's not simply whatever thing.

GIF from "The Two Towers."

That's ... something, correct?

3. "Don't Think Twice, It'southward All Right," past Bob Dylan

For as long as humans take been dating each other, humans take been breaking upward with each other. And "Don't Remember Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photograph past William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no utilise to sit down and wonder why, babe

Even yous don't know past now

And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the interruption of dawn

Look out your window, and I'll be gone

Yous're the reason I'm a-traveling on

Merely don't think twice, it's all right.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.

"Don't Remember Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It's the song your older sister played on continuous loop for vi months after her boyfriend left for higher. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her banking concern-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your loftier school band over to his flat to jam.

"What timbre are you lot looking for?" Photograph by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Sure, it'due south about the end of a relationship, but information technology sounds romantic. And at the finish of the day, shouldn't that be enough?

Here's why information technology's actually sooooo messed up:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties tin can certainly benefit from a hard, honest discussion about what went wrong.

It's non me, Joan. It'due south you. 100% yous. Photograph by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Think Twice," that word basically boils downward to: "It's your error."

Let'south review the reasons the dude in "Don't Retrieve Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my eye, merely she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, right? You lot're all like, "Babe, I but take so much unspecified honey to give," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she'southward similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole business firm, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the calendar week. All I need you to exercise is take out the trash." And y'all're like, "You're bumming me out. I'm gonna go play guitar." Then she gets all mad! What did you practice? Why is she trying to modify you? UGH!

You could have done improve, but I don't mind

Yes. You do mind! You mind! You wrote a vocal nigh it, you lot passive-ambitious prick.

You merely kinda wasted my precious time

Ah aye. Your time is and so precious! Think well-nigh all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of homo partnership when you lot could have been futzing around with that home-brew kit.

Aye, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute you get-go breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sis's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Similar your aunt's air current chime store, which would accept airtight forever agone had she non received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

"You kids want a beer? No 1's under 13, right?" Photograph via iStock.

Oh yes, and the song'south narrator also betoken-blank refers woman he's leaving every bit:

A child, I'k told

That'due south right. In improver to existence a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'due south also peradventure a pedophile.

Even if nosotros are to have that this is a metaphor and she's non actually a child — which at that place's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a fell, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may exist the point.

iv. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has ii thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photograph by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Eatables.

Here's why information technology sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely vocal. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time information technology was written.

'Crusade I'm leavin' on a jet plane

To a modernistic ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'thousand a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that'southward somehow withal folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to practice!

Oh infant, I hate to get

You see — he hates to go! He but hates information technology! We know this, because he tells united states he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner but that much?

See ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.

Why indeed?

Here'south why information technology'south really not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can just distract so much from the fact that the vocal'south master graphic symbol is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:

In that location's so many times I've permit you downwardly

And so many times I've played around

I tell you at present, they don't mean a matter

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched lonely while yous were habitation nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to exercise! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But residual assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"As empty as this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Yes, when you break information technology down, "Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming altitude and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all testify to the contrary.

And for all he claims to be broken up almost having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited well-nigh the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are you lot? Are you Zone one? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad y'all were forced to choke downwardly as you saturday waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?

"Life and so difficult @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you

Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for y'all

Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my love is delicate equally the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

Then he demands:

So buss me and grinning for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Later on all the expose and heartbreak, afterwards basically revealing himself to exist a form-A sleaze who tin can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?

And here'south the kicker:

When I come back, I'll bring your wedding band

Ah yep. He'll put a ring on information technology. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.

Unlike all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, tuckered the family banking concern account, and but been a general screwup and disappointment.

Merely yeah. This time he says he'll bring dorsum a wedding ring.

I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.

5. "When a Man Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge

When you look upward "soul" in the dictionary, the volume plays you a recording of this vocal.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph past Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, information technology plays you lot the very first line.

Hither'southward why it sound very romantic:

When a human being loves a adult female

Certain, you tin can write the lyrics down, but information technology doesn't even come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious hurting-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

Closer ... but still no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It's an elemental lyric.

It's a eye-shattering lyric.

It's a lyric that demands you put your back into it.

Information technology'south perfection.

As long every bit you lot don't keep listening.

Here'southward why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Homo Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a adult female.

Which raises the question: What happens when said human being loves said woman?

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that'due south the way

Information technology ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Dorsum up. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in dearest, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man volition die of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.

No! Jeez. No. A man can't put upwardly with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a human's whole back up system erodes out from nether him, a homo will exist bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a homo's mental wellness will deteriorate.

I gave yous everything I take

Tryin' to concur on to your heartless dearest

Infant, please don't treat me bad.

This is non what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a human being loves a controlling, manipulative adult female. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

"It's Chris or me." Photo past geralt/Pixabay.

And that'southward not good for you.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for yous.

(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than one style for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in split bedrooms. Perchance they dress upwardly in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine information technology feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no i-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Multifariousness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. At that place's more than ane way to pare a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, equally long as it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You can practise this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, delight requite these people a call.

half dozen. "All I Wanna Practise is Brand Dear to Y'all," Heart

Honestly, Center could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/Earth'southward Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would brand me desire to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.

This song is perfect. You should always be listening to it. If you lot're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. It's just that of import.

I am singing the phone book. You are weeping similar a tiny babe. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.

So much passion. So much pain. So much pilus.

Here'due south why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Center sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly bonny man for i night of mind-blowing sex activity and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to bone — but never quite every bit compellingly e'er again.

They sing:

Information technology was a rainy night when he came into sight

Continuing past the road, no umbrella, no coat

So I pulled upwards aslope and I offered him a ride

He accustomed with a smile so we drove for a while

I don't accept to keep because y'all know what happens side by side, and it's awesome.

"I just sit down in this motel. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

Now, here's why this song is not romantic at all:

The human relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too skilful to exist true. And information technology is. Considering it's not an equally loving ,or fifty-fifty equally brawny, pairing at all.

It's a...

It's a...

Well. You know what it is:

Skilful at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are humming along simply fine, like whatsoever wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:

I didn't inquire him his name, this lonely boy in the rain

Fate, tell me it's right, is this dear at start sight?

Sure, many of usa might hesitate to choice up a strange leather-jacket-clad man continuing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling well-nigh this guy, and sometimes, you gotta get with your gut.

I tin respect that.

We made magic that nighttime

He did everything right

Great! Seems like it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.

Simply then, without warning, the song starts to audio less like an all-time keen romance and more than like a story men'southward rights activists tell each other every bit they vape around a campfire:

I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed

We walked in the garden, nosotros planted a tree

Don't endeavour to find me, delight don't you dare

Just live in my retentiveness, yous'll always exist there"

I'k not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sexual activity was get-go invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

Howdy! Photograph by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.

Of class, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Yous might be tempted to retrieve, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

Then it happened 1 solar day

Nosotros came round the aforementioned way

You lot can imagine his surprise

When he saw his own eyes

There are two possibilities hither.

I: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years agone:

Photo by eyedonation.org.

Or two: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.

I said, "Please, please understand

Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.

I'm in love with another man

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no fashion the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one but 2 lives.

And what he couldn't requite me, oh, no

Was the one little thing that you can"

A HUMAN LIFE! A Existent SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The best you can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket homo probably should have been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .

Only ... information technology's not beautiful. It's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).

And at the stop of the solar day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the nighttime.

Which... is proverb something.

But there is a love vocal that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.

A vocal that does everything right.

A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership congenital to last.

A song that can double as a manual for the platonic human being romantic human relationship.

And that vocal is...

"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Here's why you might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:

50 Cent (L) and that guy. You lot know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

As catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun information technology is to trip the light fantastic toe to, and every bit cathartic every bit it can be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity firm at 2 a.m., there's no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:

I'll take you to the candy store

I'll let y'all lick the lollipop

I'll post that again, in instance y'all missed some of the nuance:

I'll accept you to the candy store

I'll let you lot lick the lollipop

Mode to take one for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At first glance, "Candy Store" is nobody's thought of a archetype dear song.

The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The vanquish is kinda bones. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

Information technology doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.

It'due south non a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your beat out. It's not a song y'all'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling house with the bodyguard and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly not a song you'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silver ceremony.

Information technology's but not.

Only it should exist.

So hither it is. Here'due south why "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship vocal:

You lot wanna dorsum that matter up or should I push up on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocalist starts filling out his fellatio permission sideslip. It'due south only been 20 seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang information technology up with "Candy Shop."

But and then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the class of a female voice joining the track, cut through the din similar a clarion call.

She sings:

I'll take you to the candy shop (aye)

Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll have you spendin' all yous got (come up on)

Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

It's mutual! Information technology's common! They're performing oral sexual practice on each other!

Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo past liz west/Flickr.

50 Cent himself may not be the globe's greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.

But the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:

You could have it your mode, how do you lot desire information technology?

Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'grand going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'one thousand going to treat you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to Y'all," ("I'chiliad going to trick you into knocking me upwardly!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the world of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Dorsum of the rental? The beach? The park?

It's any you're into

'Crusade consent is sexy!

I own't finished teaching yous 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Processed Shop" is certainly ... assertive most his desires.

But here'due south the central thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into it. And nosotros know this because she says so.

The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly viscid guild flooring.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photograph by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we do ...

And where we exercise ...

The things we practice ...

Are just betwixt me and you

No thing how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. Information technology volition be private. At that place will exist no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If yous be a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of whatsoever human relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very mayhap in the instance of "Candy Store") minutes long.

She may have a high sexual practice bulldoze, simply dude is graciously offer to arrange her. What a admirer! These crazy kids simply might go the distance afterwards all.

And at the end of the day, what is a relationship just two nymphos, sharing wellness insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.

It's like it's a race who could get undressed quicker

Again, everybody is having a not bad time. And, critically, an equally cracking fourth dimension.

I touch the right spot at the right time

Of course, it wouldn't be a popular/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Store" guy is at to the lowest degree as skillful at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Processed Store" guy is a keeper. Because he'due south non a hero or a stranger in the dark or a funky, shimmering beloved god. He's a skillful partner.

"Candy Store" is raunchy. It's muddy. It'due south non your grandmother'due south dearest song.

But when you strip abroad the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all most?

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Photo past Francois Durand/Getty Images.

And then seductive.

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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

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